Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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