im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
