Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
