I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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