Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
