Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
