How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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