you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
