the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
