Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
