I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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