he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
