is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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