Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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