i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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