Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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