I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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