Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
