Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
