Your face is a jimmy john
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
