After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
