That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
