So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
