it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
