I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
