Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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