so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
