you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
