I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
