We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
