Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
