Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
