I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
