nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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