i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
