I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
