exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
