MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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