Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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