Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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