So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
