And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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