So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
