can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am available for nakedness
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
