Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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