i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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