Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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