It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
