News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
