I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
