omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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